To The Last Drop

You suck me dry
Pour your ocean into my brain
All your sins are now mine
We join our souls in this crime
We are too alike
We are suffocating
We are dripping bodyfluids.
We are stuck together
This is pornography
This is dark and sick
In your eyes, maybe.
Well, you better get used to it
Because this is me.
Swallow my thoughts
To the last drop.

Cut to fit

I. LIVE THE DREAM

Daily suburban grind
Only one thing on your mind
As you prepare the breakfast
for your kids and your husband
I'm in the rut
I'm knee-deep in shit
I hate them all
I despise my own role
I hate what I am about to become

II. WATCH IT GO

Day by day we grow older
Little by little all our cells change
We become perfect strangers
Strangers to our own house
Strangers to our families
Strangers to our friends
Strangers to ourselves
We're stuck with these strangers
With nothing special to talk about
Nothing to share
No communication

We had a dream.
Now we watch it go.

III. HOW LONG HAS IT BEEN?

How long has it been
Since you last felt natural?
How obscene is the thought
That you can't be held responsible
For your own demise?
You got married
You had kids
You got a house
You got sick.
you grew tired
And now you're full of it.
And you're tempted by the thought
that you're only three cuts away from freedom.

IV. THREE CUTS

With this first cut I set myself free
From the chains of resentment
From the loath I bear for myself
From this endless running from myself
With this second cut I seal the chance
Of ever coming back to life
Of ever giving new life
Of love that would go beyond this knife
With this last cut everything goes black
Red stream of love creeps down my throat
I rid myself from the burden of breathing
Erase the past this life ever had.
And so I leave life without fright
I leave this daily suburban grind.

Mental Genocide

We try to survive
In this battle against evil
Terrorism, pathetic bullshit
Excuses to oppress our human rights

You have a right
To express your mind
And we have to fight
To reclaim that right

Treason and lies
Suppression of our minds
Fucked up reasoning
Justification for mental genocide

kädellinen kuoleman kone

Mielikuvamainontaa
Tyhmille apinoille
Pelottavaa miten helppoa
Meitä onkaan ohjailla

Kädellinen kuoleman kone
Kulkee keskellä ihmisraunioita
Tuhottuja ihmiskuvia
Poltettuja persoonallisuuksia

Asefirmat omistavat kaiken
Boikotti johtaisi nälkäkuolemaan
Kohta ne omistaa jo hengitysilman
Ja myy kaikkien sotien aseet.

It's easy to smile when you're leading the blind
Hiding all lies behind simpliest kinds of minds
Giving them what they want
To get where you want

Some damage done for the greater good
Bend your knees, get ready to become abused

It's easy to grin when you're leading three-nil
Living for the killing, all the thrill is in the hunting game
Giving them what you want
To kill every last one

I'm gone

The only part of me
That is being seen
The small tip of an iceberg
The fragment of my mind
No matter how wide it might seem
It is by far the most obscene
Of all the things I've seen
It's filled with controversies
It's filled with arrogance and needs
To be and bleed like the rest of you bleed
It hides so much more inside
All the fears and desires dressed in statements
Defining myself through all the things I'm not
Lacking the ability to understand the big picture
Still the context is clear:
I am a multi-dimensional being.
I am one when I'm with you
I talk the way you want me to
I shut my mouth when being told
I am afraid of growing old
I long for past
I hate the change
I do what I can to adapt your place.
But when I'm by myself
I am all things that you all hate
I sometimes feel like I'm misplaced
And left here by my own alien race
Which studies men and observes ways
To behave and breathe and talk and need
Questioning the ways they demean themselves.

28/32

My bones crackle and snap
Realign under my burnt skin.
It sounds like snapping branches.
I touch one of my ribs,
filled with curiosity.
I feel it wiggle painfully.
I take a deep, sharp breath and hit it hard.
The pain is accelerating.
It is undisputed.
It is overwhelming.
My teeth move in my mouth,
My mouth swells up and makes speaking impossible.
My tongue is dry.
My fist has left a yellow bruise that is slowly making way
To these interesting shades of purple and blue.
My bones keep changing places.
Realigning under my skin.
Is this growing up?
Is this evolution?
If not, then what is it?
Slowly they move, like automatic puzzle pieces
Knowing where to go although I haven't got the vaguest idea.
All I know is that this is completely fucked up.
The pain is screaming in my ears
It sounds like thousands of people screaming in a hallway.
The hallway builds up to become a cathedral.
The pain is overwhelming.
It becomes my oblivion.

Altered Ego

I alter my ego probably more than I should
How the fuck are you to say?
Do you even do this from the heart?
Can you fight? Can you fuck?
Can you ever get enough of all these
Proofs you demand to ensure you're still on track
Could you give it a rest? Please?
Fuck no. I concentrate.
I focus all my energy on driving myself insane
I do everything I can to ensure my life will be hell
To all those who take everything as granted.
Nothing is granted.
Nothing is free.
No one is safe.
No one too kind,
Too pure.
I'm surrounded by saints
Who claim they are always right
Their hypocrisy exceeds mine.
Who the fuck are they to judge?
Their values and beliefs
Are all based on an unfortunate series of mistakes.
The son of God crusified, the pure lamb sacrificed.
Blood spilled so the sinful flesh would find temporary sanity
The eye of the storm. The save point before the boss battle.
If people would have listened to their saviour
There would not be such things as Christianity, crusades,
Protected pedophilia.
If you really are into cramming your cock into some kids asshole
Become a catholic priest.
You'll have the most powerful protector on earth.
God's number one front man,
Protecting the holy business you have around some brat's number two.
Our flesh. It's a fascinating thing.
How we are able to move, live, feel, write, think, draw, take a leak..
And one day it can't remember a single one of those delicate tasks.
It is bound to become useless, which takes all these fine tuned abilities
To a completely new context.
What can possibly be the mission of a bulk of dying mass?
What is my purpose?
What is my deed?
Why am I thinking these thoughts?
Why am I functioning this way right now?
Why do I have urges, fetishes, what is their purpose?
To separate me from the other dying mass?
Perhaps.
By giving each piece of death their own obscene desires
You give them personalities.
You give them life.
You give them something to give back.
You give them something to lose.
And this is the power of a human mind
To display such thoughts to it's alikes.
To ignore the filters and boxes given.
To alter their ego and it's purpose,
Not to get answers, but to get even more confused.

Giving up

Bleeding fingers
Dirt under their nails
Reaching for the price
The eyes have never seen
We're crawling in the mudd
The guilt paints us all gray
And what we find is what we've lost
And it's all buried in clay
Our eyes can't see the truth
It's way too painfull to find
We pick up our own loose tooth
And give up without a fight
And when the sun will rise
In just few hours
All this mudd will petrify
And if we're still here crawling
Slowly we all will die
Eventually, we all will die.

My shadow has a shadow too

My shadow has a shadow too
And it's deeper than mine ever could
And it's right behind my back too
My shadow has a shadow too

My shadow has a shadow too
And it's following me as I move
And it's threatening my shadow too
My shadow now has shadows two

My shadow now has shadows two
They're both deep and scary too
They're tripping on LSD too
My shadows are all just parts of specific aboriginations on the time-space continuum and their existance is as hollow and vain as mine, so we can't really be sure that I have a shadow at all.

The mouse and the rising gun

I sit still
Too staggered to even breathe
You hold a gun against my forehead,
Demand me things I can't fulfill
Demand me sacrifices I can't afford
Your safire eyes burn with love
Love I can not respond with lust.
Love I can't escape with trust.
I can't get out.
I raise the gun.
The tables have turned
But still the situation's the same
As it ever was.
I am still the victim here.
At least I believe I am.
At nights we are at truce
No bullets shot
No shots taken
But when the sun comes up
It brings the burning hell with it
And we are still the same
Victims of no crime
Victims of our own fears
Intimidated by our own insecurity

The house of the rising sun

"We should move in together." Your words come out like from a barrel of a semi-automatic handgun, pointed at my forehead, piercing my brain and spray painting the walls with Pollock-like art with what I believe to be a part of my cerebral cortex. My brains send shivers down my spine, punishment for the image on my mind. I look out of the open window to the rising sun, trying to ignore the words that still hang dead and heavy in the air, echo from my pale, undecorated walls. I like them just the way they are. Pale, lacking the woman's overrated touch. They'll do. They're just fine. They're mine. I roll the half-empty coffee mug in my hands, grind my teeth aware of the silence getting even thicker and heavier than your words just did. The tension's building up, I can hear your heart beat even faster than mine. It shakes the whole house. It wakes up our neighbours. Hell, it would be even enough to wake up the dead!
I look you in the eyes, without emotions, which to you seems to be more than a clear answer. In five minutes you're out of this house, and you'll never be here again. I hope. You narrow your eyes and take a deep breath, look me in the eyes and it seems like you're almost about to say something, but you change your mind before it escapes your red but dry lips. The sun sets the whole room in fire, it reflects from my IKEA- glasstable and pale walls, it reflects from my unfinished pile of dishes, it reflects from the necklace I gave you few months ago. Will I get it back, I wonder. Probably not. I would not dare to ask. I look into your eyes, we've been having this awkward, silent conversation for those five minutes I wished would take you out of this house. But you're still here. You're still in my kitchen. I sigh.
"of course, hun. We should move in together.." wriggles out of my mouth, words to avoid the upcoming conflict, white flag waved before there's any blood shed at all. I lost. Again.

God Who Does Not Care

Join the feast
Enjoy the communion
Consume the flesh
Of the god who doesn't care

He did not create us
He does not feed us
He will not kill us
He will not aid us

God who doesn't care
Absent father
We reflect the pain
Inflict it in our mother

It's just our childhood traumas
Leading into conflicts when they're not in control

Spider song

Why do spiders get to run so fast
And I have to crawl on all fours?
Why do they always have some flies to eat
And I must search for pinecones?

Spiders crawling under my skin
Spiders spy their siblings

There's a spider at my feet
I smack it dead and watch the mess it makes
I wonder how does it taste.
Has it got some psychedelic venom in it?

I put the spider on my tongue
Watch it melt and wait for the fun (to start)
I've been waiting for ten minutes now
The disappointment hits the floor
Spider's melting in my mouth
Boring spider there's no doubt.
Boring, not-venomous, child-safe spider
There's no doubt.

Vampire

Everyone has a chance to succeed
If they won't, they did not follow the rules
They were born to lose
They had to lose
So you could bloom
You're a leech
You're a bloodsucker
You're a vampire.

You stand for their corporations
You represent killers with smiles
You dodge bullets and perform miracles
You turn the water into wine
You heal the sick and ease our mind
You tell us all will be alright
You tell us we can't win tonight
You're a leech
You're a bloodsucker
You're a vampire.