Steppenwolf

I'm an outsider, looking in
I live in your daily sins
I'm the one crawling under your skin
Whn other's smile, I find no reason to raise my chin

I'm cast out fromn this play you call society
And I refuse to take the blame for all your obscenities
I'm fighting every day just to hold on to
The last remaining pieces of my sanity

By every attempt to draw me closer
You have driven me further away
I'm out of your reach
I'm way out of your reach
I'm a steppenwolf
And you're just a flock of sheep.

Failures.

burning fingers run down my feverishly cold skin
They set their trails on fire, and that fire is like sin
It gives life to millions of little lies
That feed on all my intentions
What used to be good, turns to an excuse
So what use it is to drown in any kind of relief?
Isn't it all just mischief?
The deeper you get inside of your own head
The more of you turns out to be a lie
Expectations, accusations, transformations between these.
Your every attempt will be remembered as a failure
And there's nothing you can really do about it
Your every attempt will be remembered as a failure
When you tried to learn how to drive a bike, and fell down
When you tried to learn a new language, and gave up
When you tried to learn how to fly, and injured your knee
All these mistakes, all these failures.
They are always here to remind you never to forget
How close you once were to actually success.

Some velvet morning when I'm straight..

I open my eyes. The alarm clock was set to wake me up in five minutes. I curse you to the lowest and coldest of all imaginable hells, past me. You fucking suck. Why did you have to assign for this job, why did you have to set me up like this? Were you fucking high or something? What the fuck were you thinking? I switch the alarm off, neverminding the possibility of falling asleep and not getting up. Actually, that would be the best of all possible scenarios to come. I try to fall asleep, I force my mind to focus on letting go of itself, try to welcome in the sweet relief of sleep. Escapism in it's impeccable brilliance. I fall asleep, somethingsomethingsomething, problem solved. It's that simple. Curtains deceive me. They open up to let a single ray of the rising sun burn my eyes. It burns my eyes even when they're closed. I have to open them. Just to see if the sun truly has such a good aim, straight between the curtains from one hundred and fifty million kilometres away. Let me tell you this much: If the sun wanted to kill us, we'd all be dead already. Naturally, the second I made the mistake of opening my eyes, I was blinded by the sheer, brutal brightness of the sun. I moan quietly. I'm not even sure if I made a noise of not, it might have been just a desperate cry in my own head. I throw away all sheets from the bed. Now I must get up, I hate the annoying ragged mattress. I roll down, I hit the floor. I'm sure I broke every single bone in this body. No, I was wrong. I'm able to get up. I drag myself to my bathroom. The door creaks as I swing it open, that single noise annoys my tired nerves more than burning my eyes. My ears lose their virginity to the first annoying sound of a new day. That single creak invades my ears and fucks my brains out. I kick the door and my toe nail bites me back. It hurts like hell! Fuck! I swear for some good ten seconds, and take a leak. The first good thing today. After that I brush my teeth with my old, worn out toothbrush. It has certainly seen the best of it's days. It would be more accurate tool on cleaning the toilet seat than my teeth. Thinking about this while having the toothbrush in my mouth seems to be a pretty bad idea. I find myself gagging over the sink, I drink a glass of water and try to gurgle my mouth clean. I should be cheerful for my first morning at a new job. It's a completely new chance to change my entire life. I can be who they want me to be. But I can't. I don't care right now. They can suck it! Shove their chickenshit job up their ass! What do I care? On my way to the kitchen I get and idea. If I kill myself, I don't need to decline the job, and disappoint my new boss, I just escape the situation. What a great idea! Escapism in it's impeccable brilliance. I kill myself, somethingsomethingsomething, problem solved. Before I even realize it, I'm on full swing. I'm building this huge Engine of Death from everything I have in my kitchen. It has a toester as a head, knives as fingers and forks as antennas. It runs on all the empty bottles I had lying around my flat, it is probably the most beautiful thing ever built by man. And I built it. I should work at CERN, for fuck's sake! Fully functioning cyborg death machine in twenty minutes ain't bad for a rookie. "what is your will?" the engine crackles and clanks and releases steam from it's teapot neck. "Kill me, so I do not need to sign for my new job." I'm a bit sad I have to die after creating something this unique and beautiful, but I think it will stay here on earth and serve all the other men seeking for release from the chains of life. "And after that go and serve mankind as you have served me today." And I looked down at my creation and saw that it was good. God-like. Me, not the machine of course. Without any further pick up lines this robot shoves it's knife-fingers through my stomach. It feels like someone would have thrown cold water on my legs, my knees go weak and I hit the floor. I bleed badly. Yes. This is good. I don't need to serve as a slave. I can die free. This is escapism in full extent. I will be free. I start to lose my consciousness, everything turns black, and the last thing I can see, is my robot hitting my to the face with it's knives. I am free. Thank you for your time.

Cage of Leaves

This life is like a cage
Made out of leaves
You could blow it all away
But still you rather stay
Somewhat strange
How we're in search of change
But when someone opens up the gate
Still we'd rather stay

I leave this cage of leaves
Life has set me free
And now I have to leave
I'd rather stay longer indeed

I fall down with the leaves
The autumn comes to claim me
And I fall, fall, fall towards the ground
And as winter descends
It brings me my cold hell
And knowing this all, hearing the bells
It hurts more than I can tell.

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