Giving up

Bleeding fingers
Dirt under their nails
Reaching for the price
The eyes have never seen
We're crawling in the mudd
The guilt paints us all gray
And what we find is what we've lost
And it's all buried in clay
Our eyes can't see the truth
It's way too painfull to find
We pick up our own loose tooth
And give up without a fight
And when the sun will rise
In just few hours
All this mudd will petrify
And if we're still here crawling
Slowly we all will die
Eventually, we all will die.

My shadow has a shadow too

My shadow has a shadow too
And it's deeper than mine ever could
And it's right behind my back too
My shadow has a shadow too

My shadow has a shadow too
And it's following me as I move
And it's threatening my shadow too
My shadow now has shadows two

My shadow now has shadows two
They're both deep and scary too
They're tripping on LSD too
My shadows are all just parts of specific aboriginations on the time-space continuum and their existance is as hollow and vain as mine, so we can't really be sure that I have a shadow at all.

The mouse and the rising gun

I sit still
Too staggered to even breathe
You hold a gun against my forehead,
Demand me things I can't fulfill
Demand me sacrifices I can't afford
Your safire eyes burn with love
Love I can not respond with lust.
Love I can't escape with trust.
I can't get out.
I raise the gun.
The tables have turned
But still the situation's the same
As it ever was.
I am still the victim here.
At least I believe I am.
At nights we are at truce
No bullets shot
No shots taken
But when the sun comes up
It brings the burning hell with it
And we are still the same
Victims of no crime
Victims of our own fears
Intimidated by our own insecurity

The house of the rising sun

"We should move in together." Your words come out like from a barrel of a semi-automatic handgun, pointed at my forehead, piercing my brain and spray painting the walls with Pollock-like art with what I believe to be a part of my cerebral cortex. My brains send shivers down my spine, punishment for the image on my mind. I look out of the open window to the rising sun, trying to ignore the words that still hang dead and heavy in the air, echo from my pale, undecorated walls. I like them just the way they are. Pale, lacking the woman's overrated touch. They'll do. They're just fine. They're mine. I roll the half-empty coffee mug in my hands, grind my teeth aware of the silence getting even thicker and heavier than your words just did. The tension's building up, I can hear your heart beat even faster than mine. It shakes the whole house. It wakes up our neighbours. Hell, it would be even enough to wake up the dead!
I look you in the eyes, without emotions, which to you seems to be more than a clear answer. In five minutes you're out of this house, and you'll never be here again. I hope. You narrow your eyes and take a deep breath, look me in the eyes and it seems like you're almost about to say something, but you change your mind before it escapes your red but dry lips. The sun sets the whole room in fire, it reflects from my IKEA- glasstable and pale walls, it reflects from my unfinished pile of dishes, it reflects from the necklace I gave you few months ago. Will I get it back, I wonder. Probably not. I would not dare to ask. I look into your eyes, we've been having this awkward, silent conversation for those five minutes I wished would take you out of this house. But you're still here. You're still in my kitchen. I sigh.
"of course, hun. We should move in together.." wriggles out of my mouth, words to avoid the upcoming conflict, white flag waved before there's any blood shed at all. I lost. Again.

God Who Does Not Care

Join the feast
Enjoy the communion
Consume the flesh
Of the god who doesn't care

He did not create us
He does not feed us
He will not kill us
He will not aid us

God who doesn't care
Absent father
We reflect the pain
Inflict it in our mother

It's just our childhood traumas
Leading into conflicts when they're not in control

Spider song

Why do spiders get to run so fast
And I have to crawl on all fours?
Why do they always have some flies to eat
And I must search for pinecones?

Spiders crawling under my skin
Spiders spy their siblings

There's a spider at my feet
I smack it dead and watch the mess it makes
I wonder how does it taste.
Has it got some psychedelic venom in it?

I put the spider on my tongue
Watch it melt and wait for the fun (to start)
I've been waiting for ten minutes now
The disappointment hits the floor
Spider's melting in my mouth
Boring spider there's no doubt.
Boring, not-venomous, child-safe spider
There's no doubt.

Vampire

Everyone has a chance to succeed
If they won't, they did not follow the rules
They were born to lose
They had to lose
So you could bloom
You're a leech
You're a bloodsucker
You're a vampire.

You stand for their corporations
You represent killers with smiles
You dodge bullets and perform miracles
You turn the water into wine
You heal the sick and ease our mind
You tell us all will be alright
You tell us we can't win tonight
You're a leech
You're a bloodsucker
You're a vampire.